How to post a wood plate (the saga continues)

Last year at the Hornbill Festival I bought a wood plate (asükhu in Sumi) and tried to send it to Singapore.

The parcel was never delivered, even though I paid for registered mail at the India Post office here in Kohima. Why? They didn't give me the customs forms to fill in, and it didn't occur to me at the time either (you expect post offices to know this sort of stuff).

And this was the state in which the parcel was sent back to my friend's address. The packaging had never been good to begin with, but the cloth looked filthy and the box was bulging more than when I sent it off.

On opening the parcel, I found the sides of the plate had chipped.

So I bought a new, slightly smaller, wood plate at this year's Hornbill Festival. It was nicer than the one I bought last year but this is more ornamental because the top surface is polished, as opposed to last year's one which one could still eat out of.

I then walked around NST Road looking for cellophone, banner cloth and red sealing wax. I also got a box from Cana's stall that day and with the help of my friends spent a hours that evening packaging the new wood plate. We used lots of styrofoam and newspaper, but the sewing bit and melting the sealing wax took ages. I find the concept of sending cloth-wrapped and wax-sealed parcels in India slightly outdated - what's wrong with a cardboard box and cellotape?

In any case, voilà, this was what the finished parcel looked like (before I'd written down the destination and return-to-sender addresses all over the box.)

So the next morning, which happened to be the final day of the Hornbill Festival, I got to the post office, happy with the packaging and ready to send it off.

The lady at the counter gave it one look and said I couldn't the parcel, because of the cloth packaging.

I was confused and indignant - since I started visiting India, I've been told me every time at the post office to go through the whole tedious process of getting my parcels wrapped and stitched up. And now that I'd gone through the effort to do it, this lady was telling me they wouldn't accept. What's more, everyone around me was still sending their parcels cloth-wrapped and wax-sealed.

According to her, it was a recent directive that all international parcels had to be in 'carton boxes' without cloth packaging. She then pointed at a sign somewhere in the office that apparently stated this, but my eyes never found it. She then said I needed to remove the cloth covering, write the address on a piece of paper and paste it on the box.

It sounds simple enough, except: (a) I had no stationery on me so I would have had to go down the hill to look for a shop, while carrying the parcel; (b) it would have taken me at least an hour to get everything done and the line at the post office was only getting longer (and I really wanted to get back to Kisama that day); and (c) I had gone through the bloody effort of packaging the box according to what are the usual requirements in India! I'm not even sure that another office in a different city would even be following these new directives.

So what did I do? I put on my 'most pathetic foreigner' (I'm not proud of it, but sometimes it's the only way to get what you want.) Eventually, some kind lady directed me to the back office to speak with the 'Ma'am' on duty. I explained the situation to her and she said kindly that the problem was foreign countries didn't like the cloth packaging (quelle surprise) because they were worried about the spread of infections! However, since I'd gone through the effort of packaging it, they would accept my parcel this time. However, in future I should just package it in a carton box with cellotape (mais avec plaisir Madame).

Triumphant, I returned to the first counter I went to, and after 25 minutes of waiting around again, managed to send it off, customs forms filled in and all.

So now, Singapore Post, you better bloody well accept the parcel!

How to post a wood plate in 12 easy steps

Note: the wood plate (asükhu in Sümi) I'm referring to is a traditional Naga plate with its own stand carved from a single piece of wood (such as teak).

Step 1
Ask at the India Post counter at Kisama during the Hornbill Festival if they have a parcel box large enough for the plate. Receive confirmation that such a box exists and can be sent internationally.

Step 2
Go and purchase a plate at one of the festival stalls (1,200 Rs).

Step 3
Return to the India Post counter to discover that none of the boxes there are large enough. Tell them you will go back to the main post office in Kohima to send the parcel. They tell you that there will be boxes there.

Step 4
Take the plate to the India Post Office in Kohima.

Step 5
Discover that there are no boxes large enough, but the bookshop across the street can help with packaging.

Step 6
Go to the bookshop with the plate and ask them if they have a box (or 'carton' as people usually call them here).

Step 7
Watch as they try to squeeze the plate into a cardboard box that is clearly too small for the plate, then line the inside of the box with styrofoam before trying to squeeze the plate in again, even though the box is already buldging. The box is then tied up and taken away to be wrapped in cloth and stitched up.

Step 8
Wait one hour at the bookshop for the parcel to come back, then watch as they apply red sealing wax all over the parcel. (Optional step: purchase a copy of People magazine to pass the time.)

Step 9
Pay for the packagaing service (250 Rs).

Step 10
Bring the parcel back to the post office and write the addressee's details all over the parcel, along with contact details and 'FRAGILE' and 'HANDLE WITH CARE'.

Step 11
Pay the fee for registered mail (1,000 Rs).

Step 12
PRAY that it gets to the intended destination in one piece!

The package without addressee details etc.

(Mum, if you're reading this, please take a photo of it if / when it arrives before opening it - although I suspect that it might already have been torn open by then.)